First follow-up

We saw Brenner's pediatrician today.  Brenner was 13 lbs 10 oz. and 24 1/2 inches.  His heart and lungs sounded great.  His pediatrician was happy with his progress.  He reminded me that everything really is wait and see for now until Brenner is about a year old and then we would know more what effects this may have had.  He also made me feel reassured that Brenner is basically going to be like an older kid with a concussion, only he can't verbalize how he feels to me.  He may have headaches, be dizzy, irritable, changes in appetite.  It made me feel better about giving him Tylenol before bed or when he seemed to be crying in pain.  It's amazing to have so many people supporting us in so many different ways.

Now what?

So we are home,so... now what?

I had to meet with Brenner and Darius's case worker. Things are mostly wrapped up as far as child protective services is concerned. Nathan is still in jail and the investigation by the police is so much as over. There is no concern with me caring for the boys- they are not in the custody of the state, etc. But they have to cross all their T's and dot all their I's. So we are waiting to hear on that. And there is most likely going to be a long legal process with Nathan. And I am not looking forward to going through all of that. We live in a town of only approximately 20,000 people... and all that that implies. I go back to work Wednesday. Grandma will be watching the boys when I am there.

Brenner has follow-up appointments back in Aurora with orthopedics, neurology, neurosurgery and opthomology in a month. We have a follow-up swallow study in 3 months. We follow-up with rehab in 6 months. Early intervention services will be contacting us soon to set up monthly services to make sure Brenner is getting help with physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and vision training as needed. Everything right now is "wait and see". The neurosurgeons told me that the brain is not done developing until you are 25 years old, so the full effects of this will not be known until Brenner is a young adult.

I feel like I am in the eye of a storm clinging to my kids, watching everything swirling and flying around us- everything in our lives up in the air. The thought of the future more than days or even hours ahead petrifies me so I continue on an hour at a time, just doing what is necessary to make it to the next hour to figure out where we go from there.

Brenner (and Darius and I) have been blessed beyond measure by the faith and prayers of family, friends and strangers alike. We feel the love and positive energy of literally thousands of people, coming together in support of our tiny family. Our thanks can never be enough, but you have it, all of you. A good thought, a prayer, a monetary contribution, spreading awareness about non-accidental trauma (shaken baby syndrome) in infants, a card, a positive word- ALL mean the world to us right now and we appreciate you all!

Home again, home again...

My parents came to pick us up from the hospital. Darius and Brenner got to be together again! It was so amazing to see them reach for each other and coo at each other. We had a 3 1/2 hour drive home. It felt like 10 hours. But we finally made it. And it was so nice to have our own environment again.

Grumbly in my tumbly

Once Brenner was breathing on his own, we were moved out of ICU to the 8th floor. Brenner got to try bottle feeding, but showed signs of aspiration within several hours. He lost his bottle privileges and had to go to just tube feedings. They started him slow and worked him up to an ounce an hour. We had to wait the whole holiday weekend until the swallow team returned to work on Tuesday to have a swallow evaluation done. The swallow study showed that Brenner aspirated thin and nectar thick liquids. He was safe enough with honey thick liquids to do a feeding trial. So back to the floor we went. Brenner was a warrior! He knocked those bottles out one after another. Now it looked like we were going home.

Wowzers...

At one point Brenner needed all of these IV pumps... sedation, antacids, fluids.

Miraculous progress

We met so many parents in the PICU who were in the same position we were in- they were looking at loosing a little loved one. And the remarkable thing about that is that it seemed to create an amazing bond. We were all praying for each other's kids- crying together and looking for the daily update. Some days there wasn't any good news and other days there was some good news. And then came our day for good news! Brenner was getting his breathing tube removed. There was no guaruntee it would stay out. There was no guaruntee if it stayed out that he wouldn't need something called CPAP or oxygen by nasal cannula. God was still with our little Brenner. The tube came out. Brenner was breathing just fine on his own and only needed 1 liter of oxygen by nasal cannula. And within a few hours, he didn't even need that.

Brenner needed an EEG. (Notice the attractive gauze turbin on Brenner in this pic.) He would be monitored for 48 hours. It was protocol for all TBI (traumatic brain injury) kids to get 48 hours of EEG monitoring because seizures were common. Once again, we were blessed beyond measure. Brenner had irritability, but no seizures. He was on preventative seizure medication and would have to go home on it.

Tragedy...

I was at work on Monday February 13th. Nathan called around 1:30 PM. The charge nurse found me in the educator's office. I called home immediately. Nathan told me Brenner had stopped breathing and was at the ER. I ran downstairs. My boss drove to get Nathan and Darius from our house. Within minutes Nathan was at the ER and the doctors had discovered Brenner had bleeding in his brain and a broken clavicle. Within just a couple more minutes, police, investigators and child protective services were at the hospital. We were told Brenner was going to die. We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and believe that men in our church who are living worthily can exercise the power of God in the name of Jesus Christ. My dad gave Brenner a blessing of healing in Jesus' name and that's when it all started to change. He was flown to The Children's Hospital in Aurora, Co. and his outlook was much more positive. He was admitted to ICU, on a ventilator and sedated. And the police investigation continued. By Wednesday, the police had arrested Nathan for child abuse.

How it began...

We were blessed on 11/21/11 with two beautiful little boys- Darius and Brenner. Any parent who has had a new baby knows how stressful it is. Any parent of multiples knows it's just all the more stressful! We were in a very stressful situation as I had lost my job being on modified duty/ bed rest with the pregnancy for more than the 12 weeks protected by FMLA. I suffered for a month of searching our area for a job and not finding anything. And then I found a great job 10 hours away. We were blessed that it was 5 minutes from my parents. So I took the job and we moved...